Tanpa Jejak

Aku melukis di atas air,

hanya riaknya yang tertinggal

Aku menggambar di atas pasir,

nampak lalu terbawa angin

Aku berlari terjatuh,

melangkah pun kaki tertatih

 Detik merenung tak berkawan,

menit mematung tak berguna

Air mata menyerbu,

berbaur dengan tirta alami langit

Matahari tampak meredup,

bak bersaing dengan hari

Untaian benang abu-abu,

masih terpintal lemah

Angin bergerak lembut,

berbisik sendu

Meninggalkan ranting kering kemarau,

terinjak ribuan kaki

drw, 2012

Filosofi Bangau dan Kamu

Selama ini, aku tidak tahu ada filosofi di setiap burung bangau yang aku buat untukmu. 

Harapan dan ketulusan.

 

Sekarang aku mengerti, ada ketulusan di setiap lipatan kertas sederhana tersebut. 

Ada harapan kecil pada setiap uluran tangan yang memindahkan burung kecil ini ke sakumu.

 

Satu dan hanya satu, membuatmu tersenyum.

Aku benci melihatmu yang tiba-tiba diam lalu menyendiri, seperti bukan kamu. 

Aku benci tidak mendengar tawamu di kelas. 

Aku benci kamu yang murung lalu menelungkupkan kepalamu ke meja sambil memasang earphone. 

Aku benci kamu yang menghindariku.

 

Membuat 1000 burung bangau tidak sesusah mengerjakan soal mat dari Pak Hasyim. Harapan yang terwujud tidak sebanding dengan mengetahui bahwa kamu tidak remidi pada semua ulangan mat.

Ini, jauh melebihi dari itu semua.

weisst du?

Sejujurnya, setiap aku menyuruhmu untuk tidur, ada kesenangan sesaat ketika aku tahu kamu masih akan menulis sesuatu untukku. Ada harapan kecil bahwa kamu akan terus mengelak dan mengulur waktu tidurmu.

Setiap detik yang berlalu saat kamu akan datang ke rumahku, andai kamu bisa merasakan detak tak beraturan ini. Lihatlah setiap regangan otot di ujung bibir ini selalu membentuk senyuman di setiap langkah dan gerak yang kamu ambil.

 Pertanyaan, galau mbak lihat kaca terus, seharusnya tidak perlu kamu tanyakan lagi. Aku hanya.....tidak mau melihat sepasang mata yang telah membuatku sebegini jatuh. Dua buah bintang yang selalu bisa memainkan roller-coaster di balik jantungku.

  Sentuhan kecil yang seringnya terjadi dengan tidak disengaja itu, memberikan bekas tersendiri pada sebuah ingatan. Yang entah bagaimana kerjanya, mampu mengalirkan darah dari jantung menuju kedua pipi, mengharuskanku menutupi rona merah yang muncul tanpa permisi kepadaku.

  Yang terakhir, senyum dan tawa itu, adalah alasan mengapa aku masih berdiri di sampingmu, alasan setiap binar pada mataku, dan alasan setiap nafas yang kutarik, kutahan dan kulepaskan.

  Seandainya kamu bisa membaca pikiranku, aku tak perlu bersusah payah menjelaskan semua ini. 
Tapi menurutku ini seni dari menuangkan isi hati dan pikiran itu sendiri, pada sebuah tulisan.

I was about half in love with him by the time we sat down. That's the thing about boys. Every time they do something good... you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are.
-J. D. Salinger (with edited)

Pilot dan Pesawat

Ini seperti berpesawat tapi tak berpilot. Kita terbang, ya, tapi tak tahu tujuan. Orang awam hanya mengerti bahwa pesawat ini berada pada suatu ketinggian, tapi ke mana?

Aku suka, melayang di udara. Menyentuh dinginnya kapas yang menggantung di langit. Menyapa kawanan hitam bersayap yang riuh rendah membelah langit sambil bersiul.

Tapi......sesenang apapun, ini tetap mengambang. Seperti perahu kertas yang menjelajah hamparan biru dunia. Kecil, tertatih, dan.....hilang arah?

Aku butuh kompas, di mana pun aku berpijar sekarang. Entah itu bentangan biru di atas atau di bawah, aku butuh penunjuk arahku. Tunggu, aku butuh tujuan bukan arah. Lihat bedanya?

Tujuan menghasilkan arah, tapi arah tidak menghasilkan tujuan. Aku akan ke Paris, arah? Tinggal pilih. Tapi tanpa tujuan? Bahkan aku tak bisa berpikir.

So, where are you gonna take me? :)

Aeroplane ;)

I took some pictures before physics exam, yah you-know-how-bored physics is -_-

Random, don't you?
The bird one is made by me, and the plane one is made by you ;)

Am I Talking.....Love? -___-

Kata Bu As, cinta itu nggak memiliki. Munafik. Setiap orang pasti ingin memiliki dan dimiliki. Entahlah, Dee emang bener. Nggak ada satu pun quote, dari siapa pun yang bisa mendefinisikan tentang cinta. Mendekati pun nggak. Yang jelas, it can not be seen by anything but heart. Klise, sejak kapan hati punya mata? Oke ralat, it can only be felt by heart.

Satu-satunya what-people-usually-say-about-love yang aku percaya cuma, love is unpredictable. Terlalu banyak kemungkinan-kemungkinan yang awalnya impossible turns to possible. Peluang pun nggak segampang itu bisa dihitung pakai rumus P= n(A) : n(S). So, I learn to expect nothing from love.

 

I may say the best feeling ever is when you are in love. I wouldn't know what to say, it just feels like doing roller-coaster game. Your heart can not stop its beat, then you are afraid that you'll fall down if you're on the top, at the same time you're happy because it's just full of fun, we are going to scream out loud of what we feel, and when we are done, all we're gonna do is play it again again and again. Addicted, kalau mau pakai bahasa kerennya.

 

Buuuuuut....I may also say that the worst feeling ever is when you are already fallin with one person...and that person is already fallin in with another girl. How could a love hurt this bad? Pepole who do one-sided-love, only learn to dream, wish and hope. It just makes a circle-cycle, fallin in-hopin-hopeless-forgetting-fallin in-hopin- and so on.

 

Okay, let's make some conclusions. First of all, don't fall in love. We know that there's just too much to lose. Actually, it depends on how breaf you are of taking the risk. Second, remember it, love is unpredictable. So, just expect nothing from love. And last but not the least, where does love bring us? Believe it, anywhere it goes, just follow. Because everything happens for a reason. So does love, behind the worse one, there are always the better and the best part.

Pretending

Pretending, is the hardest part of life. We have to smile, even our lips have no strength to hold this worried. We make a great face, even eyes closed to fight with this tears. We try to stand, even this feet have fallen for many times so we could just get up and go.

But as you know, sometimes pretending is needed. I pretend to smile, making a great face, standing, so people see I am happy. The real is, I am lying. Behind of looking good, I have my own pain, but once again, pretending is a way to face it off.

As time goes by, pretending is not that hard to do. I'm sure we have our own mask, to show our fake face and hide what we feel inside.

Pretending is inseperable.

Reminder

Treat people as well as you can, but never wish people will treat you the same, it may hurts you a lot. Cause not all people know how to treat others well.

A Story Between Us part III - end

Speechless. Sooner or later I know that it is going to be real. Like or dislike it, ignorance isn't useful here. She's more than me in everything. She's got everything that I have to live without. It should be no question here ... but may I ask one thing? Does she like you the way you do? I hope so.

Now I know how it feels, broken-heart. It feels like what I've been waiting for is useless. Jelousy like a habit here. Crying, what should I'm crying for? Everthing's made to be broken, right?

Let me tell you about this girl. She is one of my bestfriend. We've been together since in kindergarten, so 2+6+3+1=12 years? Long time enough to know her well. I bet she's beautiful, smart, rich, kind, yaah kinda perfect girl.

Finally, I'd give up forever to touch you. This will be the end of a story between us. Part III, wow. Wait, I need my time to fix the pieces of me. Could you help me friend?

As usual, I hide my feeling there and I play my words here...

See the part II ...

http://dewi-wardanii.blogspot.com/2011/07/story-between-us-part-ii.html

See the part I ...

http://dewi-wardanii.blogspot.com/2010/12/story-between-us.html

A Story Between Us part II

What is the most tired thing to do? Hoping! Especially when you have no idea about his feeling. It seems like he will never ever let me in. Is it his fault? No, it is totally my fault. Doing nothing is what I do. Just seeing him at a  distance, watching him pass by, looking his photos on my friend's laptop, reading his tweets every single night, smiling to his reflection, sitting by the moon, hey what am I really doing? Sometimes I can feel it while you are watching me, or is it just my imagination? I don't know and I'll never know.

I always envy, with anyone who can talk to you easily, with anyone who is mentioned by you, with anyone who can text you whenever they like, with anyone who can make you laugh, with anyone who is seen by your eyes. And the saddest thing is knowing that I can't be that lucky person. Oh you didn't even notice me huh, right?

Fallin in love with you, is the most foolish thing I ever did. And I keep wondering why I can't keep my eyes off of you. Everytime I wannna say, Stop he's untouchable, I'm not suitable, Just forget him, He's too far, but in the end it doesn't work and what I am afraid will happen, I'm fallin in love with you, all over again.

Those are the most tired, most foolish, saddest things happened in my life. I've been wasted my time for that but yaah I'm invisible so no one wanna see. And you know what? It's because of you. My hopes and expectations are filling my day. Stupid me, I just wanna let him go, why is that so hard?

I like you, just from the first sight, and until now it still feels like the first time. Can it change? I wish.

See the part I ..

http://dewiwardanii.blogspot.com/2010/12/story-between-us.html